Epistolary Essay
Dear Sherman,
In the race of life, there is no finish line, other than death. I've been a sprinter in this race since entering college, living fast and hard. Early on in my life, I was the complete opposite. A long distance runner, I let things come to me and learned from other's mistakes. Before beginning or becoming involved in anything, I always investigated the people who attempted something before me. I always analyzed the situation, never making pre-judgments to whether it would be a detriment or beneficial to me. What made this person screw up? What led this group to succeed? I didn't have a problem being behind at the beginning of the race, because through my search and inquiry for truth, I knew that I would catch up with and pass the others. Being a very patient and virtuous child, I didn't let many things hinder me from gaining knowledge. In my childhood I was extremely reserved, compared to all of my peers. Sure, I did some ignorant things, but not without calculation. I wasn't the kid who didn't care about being caught. Hell, my only fear of doing something WAS getting caught.
I clearly remember being a bright-eyed child in kindergarten. One day, I felt the need to kill the classroom goldfish. Unknowingly letting someone in on my plan to destroy those funny looking fish, it was almost foiled by the teacher. Nevertheless, I waited and waited, and as soon as the teacher lost her attention on me…CRASH. A note was sent home to my mother shortly after, stating that my mother should watch what she was teaching her child because I was 'too calculated' to be so young. It wasn't my mother's doing however; I felt the need to do something destructive. My mother never punished me, citing that in order to be prosperous in the world one must be able to calculate their steps. I did get scolded for using one of my strengths for negative, but hey, I was 5.
Growing up Christian, I learned and understood at an early age that God laughed at the plans of man, yet he would still bless the footsteps of those who walked with him. With maturity, I formulated new ideas and thought processes on things, becoming quite the rebel. As I grew older and encountered new things, the knowledge that I had acquired through the study of history and people's actions, both past and present, guided me. I didn't understand why I was going through certain things or how I was even getting through these things in one piece. Confidence growing with each passing test, the world became a playground. I was growing out of my 'conditioning' as a long distance runner, and transforming in to a sprinter. Maybe this is a natural process with every human being. Learning and amassing knowledge as a youth, only to form your own opinions and ideas on what it is to be wise could be seen as an innate human characteristic. Gaining knowledge at such a young age, where rebellion is the sole thought on an impressionable teens head, led me to think that without making personal mistakes I would never grow. "Fuck it and fuck you" became my motto because even though it is an extremely vile way to think, in my heart, I felt that I had the wherewithal to do what I wanted and that it would be beneficial to me and others. Studying the teachings of One God led me to dictate to others that what I was doing was for the betterment of everyone, regardless if you liked it or not. This backfired on me however. Due to having fun and 'living,' whatever that is, my life became encompassed with late nights, early days, lots of drugs and girls. My life was becoming nuts and filled with the ignorance that I shunned as a child. But I wanted to live. In my youth, I understood living to mean doing what you wanted, when you wanted.
Around the time that my world turned into a playground, total independence loomed in front of my face in the form of car payments and apartment bills. Seeing that I was now a grown ass man with grown ass responsibility, I gained fast twitch muscle and my sprint began. With this sprint, and seeing how fast life was declining, God brought me back to his feet. I started reading everything again, as I did at six and seven years old. The only difference in my readings of the past and the present, at the time, was the interpretations that came into my mind from them. It seemed that God wanted me to speak for him, and I did not understand how. I still don't to this day. I honestly feel like Mohammad, Moses, Noah, and even Jesus. A reluctant spiritualist, I am not one to push myself or my thoughts and beliefs onto anyone. I am for the world and every enticement and blessing that can come with it, like Mohammad, yet I yearn for learning and understanding of the science of God, as Jesus did. As I immersed myself in the teachings of God, I soon realized that I had been mistaken in my transition from running cross country and sprinting. Life was not about doing what you will, even though it is best to live and let live. I found that to live meant to not be hindered, not be biased, not be inclined to operate your mind in ways that would lead you to negativity, no matter how fun.
In my sprint, I have passed many people, yet I still feel as if I am behind. This sprinting has helped me tremendously, as I have seen and done things that most 23-year-olds can only imagine. I have met people and traveled thoroughly. Experience trumps argument, and I have a shit load of experiences that I could share with anyone. These experiences have come at a cost however. I sometimes wish that I would have slowed myself, not become so immersed in the thoughts of One Self, One God, and One Man. As aforementioned, through my sprinting I have amassed a great amount of knowledge, yet it has always been in hindsight: living and learning. The old saying goes, hindsight is 20/20, and I am a living testament of this.
In the footsteps of characters such as the mystical Yeshuoa Ben Pandira, found in the Hebrew tale The Talmud, I am often in opposition of elders, from their views on subjects to their philosophies on life, love and religion. The story of Pandira is a trying one. He is the bastard child of a mother who marries a man that can trace his lineage back to King David. Soon after marriage, however, she is raped by a neighbor, begetting Pandira. Her husband leaves her at this time as well. Pandira is a virtuous child, blessed with extreme wit and intelligence. He often times is scolded, and is known for being a crude and mean child, especially to adults and elders who view his thoughts as ignorant and premature. He views their ways as old, minuscule, and irrelevant to the day's age and is hence deemed a heretic. Pandira performed miracles and resurrected the dead in these stories and spread a mass of knowledge, yet he was never accepted by his people. His idolatrous teachings led to his demise, due to him being shunned away by his Jewish mentor. Starting his own sect of Jewish belief, he was viewed as pagan. Death came to him early in life. Some say he was murdered by his own people while others say he died alone. This story is awfully similar to the story of Jesus Christ, who was a child born to a distinct and removed sect of Jews called the Essenes. He too was a bastard child, born to an unmarried virgin mother whom later married a man named Joseph that ironically traced his lineage back to King David, as did Pandira's father in the Talmud. Jesus Christ also was a child prodigy, as he was able to teach priests' and sages more about their belief in a higher power than they could imagine. Framed and murdered due to his supposed idolatrous teachings and claim that he was the manifest flesh of God, Christianity is now the most practiced organized religion in the world. In this realm, you must know, that the good of God cannot be hid; only covered. You will find truths; I advise the Book of Barnabus. Born a Christian, I studied the laws of Jesus first. In his life, Love and Truth were the inspiration for his lessons.
Love. Live. Learn. It took me 22 years to realize that these three words, which in my opinion are more like concepts, make life what it is. In all reality, life is what you make it, but without love, living, and learning, you will never appreciate or grasp life. When you were born, I saw God in you and I was in awe. I want to teach you that no matter if you sprint or run a long race, you have the ability to dictate what you will and won't do, as long as God is on your side. There are a lot of things that you will encounter in life, some for the betterment of you, and some for the demise. In the grand scheme of things, everyone will end up loving you, regardless of what you do.
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