A Child; an Analytic Meditiation

Sherman Smith

Analytic Meditation

A child; such a selfish and mindless creature. They behave in the darndest of ways, saying the darndest things and act out in the darndest of fashion. Loud, obnoxious, and sometimes overly playful, the nerve-racking mini-me's of the world, seemingly make life a living hell. I only have one, and at this very moment he is driving me absolutely insane. Often times, when I look at my son, I think that he is the punishment of God bestowed upon me, due to the erratic behavior of my past that often times became detrimental to not only my health, but others as well. A wild child if you will, I now have been forced to reign in my flamboyant and rambunctious character, in order to fulfill the role bestowed upon me as a great father. Many days, I sit and wonder where I would be and what I would be doing if I did not have a child, and then, the reincarnation of myself smacks me in the face, jerking me back into a surreal reality. I say surreal because it is like a dream to me; how I have become what I have become, and also what I have been able to manifest into the world.

Children can be your greatest dream or worst nightmare; I suppose it all depends on how you judge them. Some people, who think that children are the worst, will never know the joy of having them. Others, who enjoy children and may enjoy having their own even more, may never know the joy of living a life without them. In a sense, once you have children, your life revolves around them and not your own self. A gift and a curse; you are brought happiness from your child, yet are constantly yearning for a life of complete freedom and a lot less responsibility. Children, like good and evil, can take your life on one path or another. Some parents discard their own dreams that they had during their childhood, in order to work and be able to provide. Others chase their dreams and goals, in order to be able to provide for their child in the manner that they wish, while also showing their child that they too can do anything that they put their mind too. I grew up with both types of parents. My father was 46 years old when I was born and 48 when my younger brother was birthed. He pretty much had lived a full life and did everything in it that he wanted to do. A tryout for the now defunct ABA Kentucky Colonels is something that he often wishes he had not passed up, instead opting to join the army. He often jokes about this time in the army however and how he has another family living up in the mountains, due to being stationed in Seattle. Looking at pictures of his Hot Rod cars and car races is his most pleasant past time, and sharing stories with his now adult children of the women that he had. He didn't have many big dreams or goals anymore after we were born, he just wanted to work and raise his kids, which is quite alright. A college education wasn't a big deal to him; especially coming from the small town of Earlington in western Kentucky. Worked as a supervisor at General Electric factory for over 35 years before he retired, my father knew hard work. Day in and day out, he awoke and went to work, even if he didn't do much while there. He retired when I was in eighth grade if I am not mistaken, making it easier to interact with his two boys. During my childhood, my father made sure that we were involved in numerous sports and that we knew that we were supported to the fullest. I can say with vigor that my father never missed a basketball game, football game or track meet from the time I began playing organized sports at 5, until I graduated high school at 17. My mother on the other hand, was rarely able to make games due to her rigorous work and school schedule. Very much like myself, my mother was considered a wild child in her youth, and a wild adult in her 20's. Kicked out of Eastern Kentucky University at the age of 18 and coming back home to Louisville to live, my mother was able to do what she wanted as an adult. She was also in the army like my father, but faked crazy in order to be released early. Living in Florida at one time and Antigua, a West Indian island in another, she was in her first marriage at the age of 26. She even spent numerous years in New York City, even getting her associates degree in Nursing at a community college while living there. All the while, my mother had goals and dreams that she wanted to pursue, however the drive or reasoning per se, wasn't there. Her mother, my grandmother, was the head of one-day surgery at University Hospital for over 30 years before she retired. How could a daughter not attempt to follow in those footsteps? She almost didn't and nearly became the black sheep of the family. Once I was born, my mother went back to school and has never looked back. Over 22 years, my mother has received her bachelor's degree in nursing science, two master's degrees, and is currently working on her DNP or certification to be a Nurse Practitioner. Named an Adult Black Achiever in 2005, being a professor of upper division nursing at UofL, and being published in numerous nursing magazines are amazing accomplishments for a person that had to raise two children as well. Having parents from both 'sides of the fence' has shown me how children affect the minds and actions of man. Being raised in a 'dual' household if you will, has created the understanding in me that I now need in order to raise my child. To my father, raising a child meant being involved, under circumstance. To my mother, elevating yourself to the fullest extent possible is key in the development of children. As a child becomes older, maturation occurs, and one can 'see' the workings of one's parents. I understand that hard work is the key to reaching goals, yet I also understand that without dreams, you may stifle your children's own ambition.

My son. My sun. It is often said that a child is a parent's world. I agree, to a point. Yes, my son is my world, because everything that I do revolves around me bettering everything, for my child's sake. A look deeper into the science of the Sun however, would lead one to investigate the origin of the name of Son, bestowed upon a person's male child. My Son has become my Sun, because my world revolves around him and only him. He is the light that shines bright onto me every morning when I am awakened by his loud slap of my face. He has revealed to me all of the wickedness and malevolence of my past as wrong, and made it so that I know I cant be innocent like him, but I may mimic his innocence and be in his mold. He is the force that drives me to 'rise and shine' and revolve or move, so that he may have a stupendous life. Without the Sun's light, plants would die, the world would be cold, and there would be an amount of nothingness in the world that encompasses infinite. When my Son wakes and shines onto me, it gives me breath; it is the catalyst for my force. I am able to get up and do what I need to do, without reservation. Just like the Sun, my Son can bring wonderful tidings and at the same time, cause mass destruction. In my opinion, the Sun in the sky is the most powerful thing that exists in our universe. It has the power to destruct things, as well as protect. Life is at the mercy of the Sun, and in my life, I am at the mercy of my Son. If the Sun does not shine on the world, what good would the Sun be? What good would the world be, for that matter? The Sun is going to keep turning and keep existing. In my studies, I have come to examine the Holy Bible, and the Son in it. In the bible, God shines his light onto the world in the form of his Son, a manifest angel and human figure, in laymen terms. With this light, the Sun is able to reveal the darkness of action and thought of the world's inhabitants. Jesus or the Son of God, brings about perceivable change and revolutionizes the views of life and death, good and evil in the eyes of the people. The Sunlight or the Son's Light, has never wavered from earth, even if it seems as if he has forgotten us. To this day, The Son is still shining light onto the world, and his life is being used as a base for the correct standard of living for peoples the world over. Innocence.